The Washington Babylon Explain-a-Nator: Who's crazier, Trump or the North Korean guy with the funny name?


WTF is going on with the U.S. and North Korea? Will we be able to watch NFL games this Sunday, or will the world as we know it be gone by then? Should you cook at home or, if the world will be a thing of the past, just eat out at restaurants since there’s no point in saving money? What will Dennis Rodman do?

To be honest, no one has a clue. And that’s where Washington Babylon‘s new Explain-a-Nator comes in. Please note here that we will also have a feature called the Speculator-a-Lator, when we ourselves have no clue what we’re talking about. But when we are 110 percent sure, as in this case, it’s an Explain-a-Nator.

Returning to the topic, is Donald Trump seriously going to blow North Korea to smithereens? Does this maniac know anything about geography? OK, dumb question, he obviously doesn’t so let me make a few points here.

North Korea is located in Asia, not far from South Korea, China, Japan and Eastern (Asian) Russia, among others. Will those places applaud when mushroom clouds start drifting their way.

Answer 1: No, they will not.

North Korea has lots and lots of artillery aimed at Seoul. Even if there is nothing but rubble left of the country if the U.S. nukes it, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un will strike South Korea before he and his country are obliterated. How many South Koreans will die?

Answer 2: At least 100,000.

And what about the morality of killing a few million North Korean peasants who are just trying to eke out a living and will die in the aforementioned nuclear holocaust, even though these poor people have nothing to do with Pyongyang having a nuclear arsenal?

Answer 3: Morality is never Trump’s strong suit. The guy is freaking nuts.

What is Vlad Putin up to in all this? That’s an interesting question, I’m glad you asked. North Korea is a very useful tool in Russia’s arsenal and one of the multiple ways that he winds up Trump, El Presidente Loco. And say Putin wants to divert attention from the U.S. bugging him about his personal fortune or killing his opponents?

Answer 4: Is there a better way of accomplishing that goal than by getting Kim to yell and scream about his plans to nuke Guam and say, “Look at my new missiles?” No, there’s probably not.

Did Russia significantly help North Korea with its nuclear arsenal? After all, the country moved from having short-range nuclear missiles to long-range ones surprisingly quickly.

Answer 5: This might well be better answered in a Speculator-a-Lator, but very possibly, which is close enough, Russia did in fact offer top secret help. That would be the best possible strategic play. That way Putin doesn’t have to directly threaten the U.S., but he gets one of his surrogates to do it and achieves a variety of goals, i.e. getting the U.S. to spend a lot of money on a pointless military “need,” which is like pushing on an open door given the defense industry’s predatory nature and Trump’s own instincts, and has been a national pastime for decades anyway.

For example, let’s say Putin is chatting with Kim on Facebook Messenger or the phone, and says, “Hey, did you hear Trump called you a moron?” The next thing you know Kim is wound up and threatening to obliterate Guam and San Francisco. And the best part is that North Korea doesn’t even look to the world like a real surrogate, because Russia periodically distances itself from Kim by voting against him at the UN, for example.

Ken, can you please sum everything up here?

Answer 6: Sure. Look, North Korea having long-range nuclear missiles that can reach the U.S. changes the game entirely. Meanwhile, Kim is the perfect foil for Trump — “Little Rocket Man” vs. “Mad Dog” — and the latter gets to Tweet and scream all he wants and people just shrug their shoulders and wonder WTF is going on.

Well, now you know.

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