Yesterday I was traveling home after a fun weekend in Chicago when a reporter hit me up on Twitter saying she’d like to ask me a question. I’m immediately thinking, “Oh shit, what have I done now?” even though I know I’ve been relatively well behaved as of late.
She proceeded to send me an old picture of mine where I’m soaking in the tub, feet up, candle lit, weed vape in hand, and asked if it’s my photo. I was immediately confused. This is a photo I took several years ago and have since deleted from my Instagram, because I now have a no feet for free rule, too many foot fetishists out there and I don’t want to give them free content.
I told her it was my photo, and she explained that it was circulating on Twitter, Reddit and 4chan with fake text over it trying to link it to Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I have to say, of all the politicians in America, she’s probably the last one I’d want to get into trouble.
So I’m deeply sorry to her that Internet misogynists used an old photo of mine to try and target her. The reason the photo is scandalous is because if you zoom in, you can see my boobs in the reflection of the bath tub faucet.
What’s hilarious is that I didn’t even notice that when the photo was on my Instagram. But luckily for me, it doesn’t matter because my tits are all over the Internet anyway, and I’m self-employed (plus Washington Babylon‘s Senior Contributing Writer) so I don’t have to worry about being fired for being an Internet ho. But for a young, newly elected female member of congress who has a huge national spotlight on her, this type of photo would be damaging.
They say things come in threes, so maybe this is my third and final political scandal? And truly the dumbest one of all. If anyone wants to try to target AOC again, I would happily take the blame for whatever comes out just to keep a woman like her in a position of power. Instead of “No, I am Spartacus,” it’s “Yes, all those slutty pictures are mine!”