NFL Roundup: Obviously I take no pleasure in reporting Tom Brady's painful demise


I’m a little pressed for time because I’m traveling today so this will have to be fast, and before getting to the main point let me start here.

I said after Pete Carroll lost the Seahawks the Super Bowl a few years ago — because he didn’t want Marshawn Lynch to score the game winning touchdown because he’s too Black — that his team would never be great again because it had forever lost confidence in him and that he would be remembered forever for fucking up that game.

Yesterday proved me correct. Sure, the Seahawks plowed over a hapless Colts team but the team is 2 and 2 and generally looks pathetic. Coaching is important and Carroll can’t coach. The Seahawks won the Super Bowl the year before they lost to the Patriots despite him, not because of him, and no one can ever trust his judgment again after the Lynch debacle. I still love Russell Wilson and Richard Sherman and wish them the best — being traded to teams with a decent coach — but the Seahawks will never win another Super Bowl until Carroll is gone.

(An aside: Speaking of bad coaching, that’s why the Chiefs will probably not win a Super Bowl despite having a fabulous team. Andy Reid can’t manage the clock, among other things, and his teams can get to the playoffs but he’ll fuck something up when they do. In another aside, this is also why the Nationals will not win the World Series. Dusty Baker seems nice and he’s a good coach but he’s not a great coach so even while I’m rooting for the Nats — who have choking in their blood — they’ll probably lose to the Cubs, who finally became a clutch team last year, in the first round.)

Elsewhere, Deshaun Watson is a joy to behold and thank god┬áBrock Osweiler has been consigned to the ash heap of football history; Jay Cutler is a hapless loser and the Dolphins are fucked as long as he is their QB; gosh, I wonder if the winless 49ers would be better if┬áColin Kaepernick still played for them and for god’s sake, someone have the decency and balls to give him a job (hint: Dolphins); owners matter too, which is why it will be very difficult for the Redskins (Danny Boy Snyder) or Cowboys (Jerry Dip Shit Jones) to win Super Bowls until they sell out.

As to the Patriots, they are lucky to be 2 and 2 and it’s a pleasure to see Buffalo ahead of them in first place in that crap conference. Something very Shady about that.

I literally hate the Patriots and Tom Brady for reasons too complicated to go into at the moment (but if you’re interested see this). So I’m very, very happy to see this evil team, and its evil coach and owner, playing so poorly this year. And watching them lose at home yesterday, for the second time this year, was quite pleasant given the team’s evil, racist fan base.

I’m also very pleased so see time and age catching up with Brady, the Adolf Hitler of NFL history. It won’t be long before this over-concussed man is in his own personal bunker, being forced to eat meat and own up to his history of sports criminality, including lying, cheating and perjury.

Anyway, I have to go now, but if you want to know more about why the Patriots suck, read this wonderful story from Deadspin. See you soon.


Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous articleA Letter to Congress and Robert Mueller: Please, for the love of God, American Pie and Baseball, call me to testify!
Next articleIs Russia Financing Black Lives Matter Ads on Facebook? Apparently…
Avatar photo
Politically eclectic DC-based investigative journalist and CEO, Chief Sleaze Purveyor (CSP) and Creator of