Last Night’s Democratic Debate: “Throughout the night several candidates said, ‘I’d take anyone on this stage over Trump!’ No shit? What a low bar though, guys. Jesus, this shit is depressing.”

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We began Night Two of the Democratic Shitshow, I mean debate, learning about Kamala Harris’s healthcare plan. It’s even worse than I could’ve possibly imagined which is really saying something. It would preserve private insurance (barf) and take ten years to phase in.

Wow, incredible, what a revolutionary she is! It’s not like people are currently going bankrupt or dying because they can’t afford healthcare. Surely the plebes can wait ten years for her shitty healthcare plan to kick in! Kamala says she’s spent time during this campaign listening to families, but I don’t know a single person that’s like, “Gee, I can definitely wait another ten years for healthcare!” 

Joe Biden and Cory Booker are both clinging to the notion that people love their insurance so they should be able to keep it. Again, I don’t know a single person, on the left or right, who would be upset if they lost their private insurance in favor of Medicare for All.

Booker tried to deflect the healthcare question by going into the Democrats’ typical, “Do you know who loves this infighting?! Donald Trump!” Oh, so  the candidates shouldn’t be challenging each other to be better? Surely accepting the most moderate candidate’s weakest positions isn’t the path to victory.

I don’t think Americans care more about the faux togetherness of the Democratic Party than they care about getting good jobs, health care and all around substantive policy change. Throughout the night several candidates said, “I’d take anyone on this stage over Trump!” No shit? What a low bar though, guys. Jesus, this shit is depressing.

On a lighter note, I am convinced Tulsi Gabbard is a robot sent here with one mission: to destroy Kamala Harris. She really didn’t miss an opportunity to drag her through the dirt, and since dragging Kamala through the dirt is one of my favorite hobbies, I was thrilled.

Treasure this always.

I was less thrilled to discover Michael Bennet is still here. Why? When I listen to him  talk, all I hear is Mr. Mackey from South Park. (On a side note I would like to reclaim the term “The Greatest Generation” because it obviously applies to those of us who grew up on South Park.)

I had mixed feelings about this debate. On one hand, it gave me great pleasure to see everyone dunking on Biden and Kamala. On the other hand, listening to moderates discuss healthcare and prison reform makes me feel slightly suicidal. 

I’m walking away from this debate with even less hope than I had before. I remain fully convinced that Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are the only real options. We may be fucked either way, but we’re definitely fucked if one of these bland centrists gets the nomination. 

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