It’s Time for the Dirty Bowl: Flush!


It’s finally Super Bowl Sunday. We have a great game ahead of us. The Patriots and the Rams were two dominant forces throughout the season and are both looking to secure one final victory to cap off the season.

Something about this Super Bowl just feels dirty though.

Knowing that we were denied of a Saints-Chiefs matchup is like walking downstairs on Christmas morning to that one gift you were looking forward to all month but instead Santa gave the gift to a spoiled asshole named Tom B. No, that’s too obvious, let’s call him T. Brad.

There is no way real football fans can be satisfied with the way the championship games played out. As expected by now, the games were followed by outrage and controversy, two things the NFL has become perfectly comfortable with.

The Patriots drove down the field with ease and the help of about fifteen calls that could have gone either way but somehow all ended up going n their favor. Chris Hogan’s two dropped balls which were called completions along with a slew of other assists from the officiating crew, allowed his team to waltz into the red zone late in the game.

Despite Patrick Mahomes driving the Chiefs offense in under thirty seconds to get a field goal and send it to overtime, the 50/50 odds of the coin flip, along with Kansas City’s inability to pressure the spoiled asshole — Andy Reid strikes again — resulted in the Patz getting yet another underserved Super Bowl appearance.

So here we are talking about the greatness of the Patz QB, when the reality is that he was one suspiciously timed neutral zone infraction penalty away from throwing three interceptions in the game and having his “legacy” questioned again. By the way, there is no legacy if not for the 2001 Tuck Rule, but that’s another story that was explained earlier today at Washington Babylon.

You never like to say that one bad call ruined a game, but it’s hard to be OK with the Rams being in this game. Of course, the missed pass interference call in the final minutes of regulation was a killer. The Saints were looking to move the chains and run the clock out, but the absence of any yellow laundry on the field after one of the most blatant penalties in recent history forced them to take the field goal and allowed the Rams to tie and win in overtime.

As someone who is happy for the recent success of the Rams organization, including Sean McVay, one-time Offensive Coordinator for my hopeless Redskins, it is hard to say that they deserve to be in this game. More importantly, it is uncertain if Jared Goff will be up to the test. Had it been the Saints who won, Drew Brees would inspire the confidence needed in a team in order to face the perennial powerhouse Patriots and their on-field aids wearing black and white stripes.

The sad and unbiased reality is that we will most likely be cheated out of a good, fair game in order to secure the legacy of an organization whose success is based on a foundation of cheating and lies. If the Rams defense can turn it up and if Aaron Donald can get after the quarterback, we will be looking at a good game.

The formula for beating the Patriots has been tried and proven, and if there is a defensive coordinator who is ready for the challenge, it is Wade Phillips. Phillips’ Broncos defensive unit put beautiful pressure on Tom B. in the 2016 AFC Championship game, sacking him four times and getting seventeen QB hits.

Hopefully, tomorrow morning when we wake up, we will not live in a world in which the Patriots have won six Super Bowls. While much of the NFL postseason this year has seemed corrupted by the powers that be, hopefully NFL Commissioner Goodell will for once keep his greedy hands off the one thing that is holy.

It is Sunday after all.

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Gabriel Silverstein-Rivera is a college student somewhere in the Americas.