Iowa and Motherf%$kers

Our correspondent from the Highway to Hell that is our journey to the 2020 election takes a hard look at the Iowa debut of Elizabeth Warren. Plus Mittens is back!


The highway to hell starts in Iowa because the midwestern state is ground zero for presidential campaigns. Many people don’t know that this infamous start line did not evolve from in-depth political studies but by a mere shot in the dark.

The circus we know today was first imagined by the 1971 grassroots campaign of George McGovern. His campaign adviser, Richard Steans, and campaign manager, Gary Hart, were discussing early primary caucuses. Hart was determined to make their own way and not follow the usual path, so according to Hart in this interview, he asked Rick “is there any state that begins the nomination process before New Hampshire? He said, well there are caucuses in Iowa, but no one has paid much attention to them. I said, we’re going to pay attention to them.”

McGovern lost to Richard Nixon; however, the GOP started their primary stump in the Hawkeye State for the next election, and the rest is history.

This past week Senator Warren went to Iowa. Her focus was classic Warren talking points such as supporting unions and restoring democracy by addressing voter rights and campaign finance reform. She also campaigned on her public fight against government corruption and banks; however, there was a notable absence of Medicare For All. Warren has publicly stated her support this policy, but when healthcare came up at the four events in Iowa, Warren mostly spoke about Medicaid. It is unclear whether this is an indication of her walking back support or if she excluded the talk because of her audience. I have opined previously that rural areas are the most in need of progressive policies like Medicare For All, this exclusion may hurt Warren more than her campaign feels it will help. Time will tell.

Did her week in Iowa give her an early advantage? Probably not. It didn’t pull in much media attention outside of those reporters assigned the coverage. In the same week, freshman Democratic representatives, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Rashida Tlaib, occupied space when mainstream media drama queens lost their collective minds over some dancing, cussing, and the suggestion of a successful 70-year-old marginal tax plan. My advice for Sen. Warren is to line-step out at her next event, gently tap the microphone, and proclaim loudly, “We are going to tear down the establishment motherfuckers by marginally taxing the shit out them!” Saves time, saves her voice (that she lost between events) and guarantees her 3-4 days of media attention.

In the gutter:

Mitt Romney wrote an op-ed where he criticized President Trump causing some to suggest that maybe Romney is considering to primary Mr. MAGA himself. Primarying Trump may not be a bad idea since his competency seems to diminish by the day. However, Romney is not disagreeing with Trump’s horrible policies, including the border wall delusion. It appears he just wants to be Trump but with decency. Look Mittens, if you have not noticed – political etiquette is dead and never existed in the first place outside of an illusion. For proof, check out the ratio on your tweet about Tlaib.

Martin O’ Malley announced he is not going to run for president because absolutely no one was asking. He also came out with an endorsement of Beto O’ Rourke. This is great news for wine-moms everywhere who went thirsty over O’Malley’s shirtless pic in 2016 and got horny on main over a tweet imagining O’Rourke is a calf-cramping lover. Next thing we know JK Rowling will announce her liberal political, BDSM thriller, Fifty Shade of Purple. More to come next week, including another Democrat in……Iowa.

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Melissa Garriga is a political communications specialist from Mississippi. She writes about politics and culture, and likes to add fuel to the fire of the country's incipient class war.