Bernie and Jarvis, 2020!

Who knew the jazz great was related to a VP candidate? RIP McCoy, all love and solidarity to his family!


As all Americans know, McCoy Tyner was one of the greatest jazz pianists who ever died, which he did on March 6. He was 81.

After he ascended to Jazz Heaven, the first thing I did was fire up my turntable and start spinning the transcendent LPs he recorded as a member of John Coltrane’s jaw-droppingly awesome band.

The second thing I did was think of McCoy’s brother, Jarvis Tyner, my favorite Communist.

Jarvis, as all Americans also know, ran for Vice President of the United States on the Communist Party ticket in 1972 and 1976, and currently serves as the CP’s executive vice chair.

By the time the phonograph needle reached “Part 4” of A Love Supreme, it dawned on me that if Status Quo Joe Biden drops out of the race after getting Coronavirus from going up to people and sniffing them, Comrade Jarvis would be a perfect running mate for the nominee-by-default, Bernie Sanders.

As an African-American, Jarvis would nail down the elusive black vote for Bernie.

And thanks to Brother McCoy, Bernie would also get the highly-coveted Jazz vote.

For those who say that putting a Commie on the ticket is just too unmoderate, well, Bernie is already getting red-baited by the liberal media, so let’s give ’em their money’s worth and put a real Red on the ticket if Biden dies!

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Howard Rushmore is America's greatest amateur bartender and the spirited remains of the famous Confidential columnist of the same name.