Alex Jones: Shoot Him, Please. (Ha, ha. Just kidding.)



“With heavy heart I am forced to report the facts to you, my friends. President Trump is betraying America … President Trump, it appears, has been bought off, and is compromised.” —Alex Jones, March 13, 2019

No, Jones hasn’t become a card-carrying Dem. He’s just mad that Hair Furor isn’t being tough enough on the monopolistic “tech giants” (Facebook, Twitter, etc.), which are run by Commies who get their kicks by censoring Infowars and other Indie media truthers. He’s also mad that Hair Furor isn’t being tough enough on immigrants, or vaccines. And for not being pro-gun enough. “Trump lied to us about the vaccines and how he was going to expose it,” Jones rasped. “Now he’s starting to make noises against the Second Amendment.”

But Jones is especially pissed at POTUS for what he said in a recent interview with Breitbart. When asked how to deal with the tech giants, Hair Furor advised: “You fight it by just being good. You got to be really good.”

With that comment, Jones went ballistic and compared POTUS to a rapist. “That’s like telling a woman that’s getting gang-raped … you better spread your legs good back behind your ears,” he declared in an emergency audio response.

“Trump is knowingly and consciously cutting us loose, letting us twist in the wind,” he warned. “He’s a hell of a lot better than Hillary Clinton, but here’s the deal: Hillary Clinton ain’t president, Son! We put you in the White House … and now you want to sit there in Brietbart in an insulting, incredibly disgusting exercise, and you want to tell us that we’ve got to just sit there and take it.”

“Well,” declared Jones in his best Howard Beale impersonation, “I’m not taking it!”

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Howard Rushmore is America's greatest amateur bartender and the spirited remains of the famous Confidential columnist of the same name.