This year’s election campaign has made monkeys out of almost every pollster, political commentator and prognosticator in the country. Indeed, there is only one pundit who has emerged from this shit show with an unstained reputation: Carl Diggler, CAFE’s Chief Beltway Insider Hack.

Mr. Diggler — known as “The Dig” among a small group of elite Washington insiders — is a passionate moderate with a personality to match. If you want charisma and raw animal magnetism, you might prefer Nate Silver of 538, Mark Shields at PBS NewsHour, or John King at CNN. If you want facts and accuracy, Mr. Diggler is your man.

Take Super Tuesday, for example. Whereas every other pundit and pollster blew it — for example, Silver screwed up six of nineteen predictions — Mr. Diggler called all nineteen contests. And as far as I can tell, he’s been right about everything since. To keep up with Carl’s predictions and commentary check him out at CAFE and follow him on Twitter.

*Some allege that Carl Diggler does not exist. It’s been suggested that he is fictional character whose columns are reportedly written by Virgil Texas and Felix Biederman for CAFE. Diggler “exists to satirize all that is vacuous, elitist and ridiculous about the media class,” Texas has apparently written.

Diggler’s  personality “grew out of the craven inanity and absurd self-importance you see in the worst ‘wonks’ and horserace pundits, but we exaggerated it to make him as much of a clown as we personally saw these people,” Biederman is rumored to have told Mediaite.

Someone claiming to be Biederman, one of the co-hosts of Chapo Trap House, replied to questions for this interview.

Q1/ You have been covering politics now for over 30 years. Who is your favorite presidential candidate you’ve covered and why?

A1/ Easy: John Anderson and his unwavering moderation. Anderson was the JFK, RFK, and MLK of my time, if not all time.

Q2/  The way both candidates postured themselves Monday night during the debate was not much of a surprise. Do you foresee any differences for the next debate?

A2/  In future debates, you can expect Hillary to resort to Democrat Voice (“I may not be ZOEY DESCHANEL, but in JANUARY, I’ll be the NEW GIRL, in the White House!”) while Trump continues to repeat phrases pertaining to deal negotiation and air conditioner regulation in a highly spectrum manner.

Q3/ You out-predicted Nate Silver in the primaries. If you and Nate were to dual it out in an MMA match, who would win and how?

A3/ As an alpha male journalist, I would make Nate tap in fisticuffs just as easily as I’ve gotten him to submit in predictions. It’s no contest; I’m a bourbon and Michelob swilling news bastard, and Nate is just a number cuckold.

Q4/ It seems like you are not too fond of Millennials. Why do you hate those kids so much?

A4/  They have zero concept of hard work. Four times a week, I am expected to provide one hour or 1,000 words of blistering, back breaking analysis. Compare that with the freewheeling, lazy millennials that think they’re entitled to candidates they want to vote for.

Q5/ If you were asked to moderate the next debate – what question would you want to ask?

A5/  I would ask both of them how they would plan to balance on the budget, and if their answers satisfied me, demand they apologize for the ad hominems their campaigns have dealt out.

Q6/ What do you predict the results will be come Election Day?

A6/  I can only tell you how the race would go today, and in that case, I have Hillary slightly edging out Trump. That said, a lot can happen in the next few weeks, and we could be seeing President Evan McMullin.

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