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There’s no shame in masturbation or watching porn, especially if done together. Two great treats that go better together, like chocolate and peanut butter and fudge. So let’s not ridicule Ted Cruz, a self-declared scourge of jacking off and porn who recently was exposed as a practitioner of the former and admirer of the latter (as brilliantly exposed in these pages by the inimitable Sydney Leathers).

Actually, let’s ridicule Ted Cruz, the hypocritical shit and promotor of a disgusting tax plan to further enrich the rich and give them even more money to fund/bribe Cruz and the rest of congress. We already did ridicule Cruz, of course, in the previously mentioned article by Sydney. And of course Washington Babylon’s CEO and periodic author had some choice Tweets and Facebook posts about the whole thing too. (That reminds me, what is the likelihood that Mark Zuckerberg spends at least 80 percent of his waking hours sitting nude on a couch changing video-cassettes? It’s as intriguing a question as “What is the meaning of life?”, and just as puzzling.)

Anyway, without further windup or adieu, here are a few Cruz Tweets that appear to be the work of his subconscious mind.

1/ Sep 14. : “We’ve got to deliver on our promises and that’s what I’m working night and day on.”

2/ By reforming the tax code, we can make the American Dream achievable again: [Note: Click on link to see Cruz spreading his hands to show the difference between the size of his dick/tax cut and the size he thinks it is.]

3/ @no_obz Sep 15. Yo is that from a porn?

4/ Sep 13. Replying to You watch boring twitter porn. I wonder how Jesus feels about that.

5/ Sep 13. Replying to Can I borrow your Brazzers password?

6/ Sep 13.

7/ https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/908075926243741697
8/ Replying to Can I write off my Brazzers subscription under this new plan?
9/ Sep 14. Glad to meet w members in my office today to discuss ways to expand opportunity and growth.

10/ Retweeted. Sep 14. Today, from 9am-4pm, we’ll have staff at Cleveland City Hall.

 

1/ Leading from behind doesn’t work. Ted Cruz
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/t/tedcruz704700.html

 

Bonus/ Marco Rubio Tweet. (Can you even imagine what he’s watching late night?) Very grateful to the many people from all over the country who have come.

OK, that’s it, I’ve got to get to work but please send suggestions and we will update this story. Also, several of these Tweets have been shortened for length and clarity.