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Huma Abedin, the only known person to have worked for Teneo Holdings and to have married Anthony Weiner. Photo credit: WikiCommons

I’m hearing from multiple stories that major news outlets are finally embarrassed about their shameful pro-Hillary bias in the presidential campaign and are loading up stories on the Clintons that will be run imminently. One chief target is Doug Band, the long-time White House aide to Bill Clinton who effectively ran the Clinton Foundation until April of 2015.

“Band was the all-purpose aide who carried the bags, provided the pen, watched the clock, kept the cigars close, and ensured the Diet Cokes were always chilled, the New Republic reported in 2013. “And after the inglorious end of Clinton’s presidency, Band had stayed on. It was he who had engineered Clinton’s transformation into a philanthropist-king, and over the years, the pair had formed a bond that was more like father and son than boss and factotum.”

Band currently is at Teneo Holdings, which, says the firm’s website, is “exclusively dedicated to advising the leaders of the world’s most complex organizations.” Put less judiciously, Band openly trades on access to the Clintons and tries to monetize his ties to the family in any way he can.

It’s also worth noting here that Teneo gave Huma Abedin a high-paying job when she was simultaneously employed as one of Hillary Clinton’s top State Department aides. That arrangement is being looked at by congressional investigators,” Politico has reported. (Of course, Abedin is best known for having married Sext Maniac Athony Weiner, who she recently dumped.)

So here’s the way the game works: Let’s say you’re a shady company, individual or foreign dictator who wants to curry favor with the Clintons. You’e already maxed out your legal contributions and donated to the Clinton Foundation, and anyway, the latter route has started to get too much attention so you don’t want to go down that road again.

Sure, you could just offer a flat out bribe, but you might get caught and the Clintons, to the best of my knowledge, avoid taking direct bribes. Who knows, maybe it’s because they want to be able to deny that they ever offer quid pro quos?

Well, what you might do is retain a business advisory group that has excellent ties to Bill Clinton and overpay the firm by orders of magnitude. And what’s great here is that Teneo’s client list is confidential so there’s absolutely no public disclosure, barring leaks.

Let’s get a little more specific.

Typically, sources tell me, if you’re a corporation that needs advice on a merger, for example, you’ll retain a business advisory firm to help steer the process. You’ll pay a small retainer — maybe $500,000 — and offer a big success fee — say $10 million. That way if the merger falls through you’re out only a small chunk of money. That’s just common sense.

But some firms that have retained Teneo, these same sources say, pay huge retainers — in the $12 million to $15 million range — because they’re less interested in immediate business results than they are in sucking up to Bill Clinton and his wife, who might well be the next president.

Incidentally, Florida-born Band, who is married to a banker from the Middle East, is one of a remarkable number of people surrounding the Clintons who come from families of white collar grifters. The Sarasota Herald-Tribune has done great work on the Band family, including his father, who was basically — as detailed in the newspaper’s reporting — a small-scale Bernie Madoff.

Anyway, look for multiple Band stories soon. Including one of my own, in which he plays a cameo role.

  • Jennifer Nouri

    I like your style