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Pussy Riot: Spice Girls on steroids. Sweet Jesus, they suck. Photo credit: WikiCommons.

(1) No credible evidence has been given.

In the famous intelligence community assessment, the CIA, NSA, and FBI said: “We assess Russian President Vladimir Putin ordered an influence campaign in 2016 aimed at the US presidential election.” However, in the same report, they also admitted that their judgments “are not intended to imply that we have proof that shows something to be a fact.”

The lack of proof didn’t matter. The report was accepted as holy writ by the mainstream media, the Democratic Party and by Hollywood, or, as the Constitution spelled out, the executive, the legislative and the judiciary.

However, not everyone takes the intelligence community at its  word. Seymour Hersh, for example: “If you had a real estimate, you would have five or six dissents … An assessment is simply an opinion. If they had a fact, they’d give it to you. An assessment is just that. It’s a belief.”

(2) It’s beyond hypocrisy.

Those who are perpetuating the Russiagate outfreakage know that interfering in elections is American as apple pie. Including the mainstream media, as a sampling of headlines reveals:

  • “The long history of the U.S. interfering with elections elsewhere” (The Washington Post)
  • “The U.S. is no stranger to interfering in the elections of other countries” (The Los Angeles Times)
  • “Database Tracks History Of U.S. Meddling In Foreign Elections” (NPR)
  • “Political Meddling by Outsiders: Not New for U.S.” (The New York Times – in 1997)

(3) Hacking schmacking.

Noam Chomsky asked: “Is Russian hacking really more significant than … the Republican campaign to destroy the conditions for organized social existence, in defiance of the entire world? Or to enhance the already dire threat of terminal nuclear war? Or even such real but lesser crimes such as the Republican initiative to deprive tens of millions of health care and to drive helpless people out of nursing homes in order to enrich their actual constituency of corporate power and wealth even further? Or to dismantle the limited regulatory system set up to mitigate the impact of the financial crisis that their favorites are likely to bring about once again?”

(4) What’s wrong with meeting Russians?

Jack Matlock, the U.S. ambassador to Russia under Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush, wrote: “It is quite common for foreign diplomats to cultivate candidates and their staffs. That is part of their job. If Americans plan to advise the president on policy issues, they would be wise to maintain contact with the foreign embassy in question to understand that country’s attitude toward the issues involved … As the person in charge of our embassy in Moscow during several political campaigns, I would often set up meetings of candidates and their staffs with Soviet officials…I would say that any person who presumes to advise an incoming president on vital policy issues needs to understand the approach of the country in question and therefore is remiss if he or she does not consult with the embassy in question.”

(5) It’s a big nothingburger.

James O’Keefe (aka “The Ashton Kutcher of Journalism”) deserves credit for actually reporting the truth for once by tricking Van Jones into giving the game away. O’Keefe, who gained fame by bringing down the diabolical ACORN, runs the sleazy Project Veritas, inspired by Kutcher’s MTV series “Punk’d.” It specializes in using a hidden camera to record people without their knowledge, and then editing it in a misleading and dishonest manner before distributing it to gullible media outlets who publish it without a trace of skepticism. With a secret camera rolling, one of O’Keefe’s operatives approached Jones on the street and asked him what was “going to happen this week with the whole Russia thing.” Jones, unaware that he was being punk’d, replied: “The Russia thing is just a big nothingburger. There’s nothing there you can do.”

(6) Most Americans don’t give a shit about it.

Representative Tim Walz, a Minnesota Democrat, said most voters in his state don’t care about Russia-Trump investigation. “I did a 22-county tour … Nobody’s focusing on that,” he explained. Multiplied nationwide, it amounts to most Americans not giving a shit about it.

A June Harvard-Harris national poll confirmed what I bold-ly state above. The poll’s co-director, Mark Penn, said voters “are concerned that the investigations have become a distraction for the president and Congress that is hurting rather than helping the country.”

(7) It’s a distraction from what Americans do give a shit about.

Like the economy.

In a June 22 interview with MSNBC — one of the prime purveyors of RussiaGate — Ohio Democrat Tim Ryan said: “We can’t just talk about Russia because people back in Ohio aren’t really talking that much about Russia, about Putin…They’re trying to figure out how they’re going to make the mortgage payment, how they’re going to pay for their kids to go to college, what their energy bill looks like. And if we don’t talk more about their interests than we do about how we’re so angry with Donald Trump and everything that’s going on, then we’re never going to be able to win elections.”

Rachel Maddow on the set of MSNBC.

(8) It’s boring.

Fake news about Russia is as stale as 100-year-old borscht. Because that’s exactly how long it has been going on. Fortunately, before dying on November 11, the world’s only radical left-wing finance professor, Edward S. Herman, devoted his final article to a century of fake news about Russia:

“In a classic study [of news coverage] of Russia from February 1917 to March 1920, Walter Lippmann and Charles Merz found that ‘From the point of view of professional journalism the reporting of the Russian Revolution is nothing short of a disaster. On the essential questions the net effect was almost always misleading, and misleading news is worse than none at all.’ The editors’ zealous opposition to the communists led the paper to report atrocities that never happened, and to predict the imminent collapse of the Bolshevik regime no fewer than ninety-one times in three years.”

(9) It might lead to a Pussy Riot.

Within weeks of becoming America’s favorite fake Russian band in 2012 after running afoul of Putin, the American media spawned almost 2,500 fawning articles about Pussy Riot. The New York Times gave them op-ed space and in the first three months of 2014, the paper ran 23 articles praising them.

“They compose no songs, they make no recordings, they do not sing and dance at concerts for fans,” Diana Johnstone pointed out. “Their art consists of attracting attention by, among other things, taking off their clothes and copulating in a museum or masturbating with a dead chicken in a supermarket…Clever performance art may make a political point people can understand. But what is the message from public sex with dead poultry?”

(10) It makes liberals look like Infowars.

Hillary Clinton’s inconceivable loss to an honest-to-god American shit like Donald Trump caused embarrassed liberals to go searching for the real reason Hillary isn’t the president. Somebody must’ve tricked the “deplorables” into voting for this ridiculous billionaire, who has exactly zero in common with the common man and woman. It must’ve been the Russians. Who else? Hence, congressional investigations, a special prosecutor (revenge for Bill Clinton’s impeachable blow job) and an industry of foolish conspiracy theorists revved up to keep the paranoia flowing. (For more on that, watch for the Rogue’s Gallery of Russiagate Grifters, coming soon from Washington Babylon.)

(10) Any new scandal with the suffix “gate” applied to it is by definition stupid.

Listicle Benediction, by Allen Ginsberg:

America it’s them bad Russians. Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia’s power mad. She wants to take our cars from out our garages.

Her wants to grab Chicago. Her needs a Red Reader’s Digest. Her wants our auto plants in Siberia. Him big bureaucracy running our filling stations. That no good. Ugh. Him make Indians learn read. Him need big black niggers. Hah. Her make us all work sixteen hours a day. Help. America this is quite serious.

  • Karl Kolchak

    “(10) Any new scandal with the suffix “gate” applied to it is by definition stupid.”

    Ha–that’s great. I was kid during the Watergate scandal and have always hated this. What’s the shelf life on such stupid, unthinking media-isms, anyway?